Dentist
by LupineMoon
Summary: Ron has a toothache. He dreams that Voldemort is his dentist. Based on whydoyouneedtoknow's Dangerverse.


Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, then I would have no trouble paying for college. And I don't own _Little Shop of Horrors_ either.

**Dentist**

**By LupineMoon**

Ron cursed the fact that he'd eaten so many sweets over the last few days. Now his tooth hurt. He groaned, Merlin he hated toothaches. But there was nothing to be done now. It'd have to wait 'til morning. So, Ron went to bed.

Continuing with their musical marathon, the Pride had watched _Little Shop of Horrors_ that afternoon. Even though Hermione, Harry, Meghan and Draco had repeatedly assured him that no dentist was like this in real life, Ron was still terrified of them now. And this toothache didn't help.

He was lying in a dentist's chair, staring up at Voldemort who was peering into Ron's open mouth. As he did so, Voldemort began to sing.

_When I was younger, just a bad little kid,_

_My mama noticed funny things I did,_

_Like shootin' puppies with a B B gun_

_I'd poison guppies, and when I was done_

_I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head_

_That's when my mama said_

The rest of the Pack and Pride took the part of the backup.

_What did she say?_

Here, Voldemort attempted a falsetto, which nearly caused Ron to swallow whatever implement Voldemort was sticking into his mouth.

_She said, "My boy, I think someday_

_You'll find a way_

_To make your natural tendencies pay_

_You'll be a dentist_

_You have a talent for causin' things pain_

_Son, be a dentist_

_People will pay you to be inhumane_

_Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood_

_And teaching would suit you still less_

_Son, be a dentist_

_You'll be a success_

Sirius, in his best announcer voice, cried

_Here he is, folks the leader of the plaque!_

_Watch him suck up that gas!_

_Oh, my God!_

_He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good_

_Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?_

Ron let out a strangled yell, at the sight of Voldemort holding a drill.

"_Oh that hurts! I'm not numb!"_

Voldemort gave a sadistic grin.

"_Oh, shut up. Open wide. here I come! I am your dentist!"_

Ron too adopted his best falsetto and wailed

"_Goodness gracious!"_

Voldemort smiled, satisfyingly down at him.

_And I enjoy the career that I picked_

The chorus gave a sarcastic reply.

_Really love it_

Voldemort puffed out his chest.

_I am your dentist_

Ron looked up into those ugly red eyes, anything was better than that drill.

_Fitting braces_

He shivered as Voldemort's fingers caressed his cheek. Everyone else gagged at the next line. Ron was too horrified to do anything but stare.

_And I get off on the pain I inflict_

Ron could hear the shudders of revulsion from the other occupants of the room.

"_Yeah, I bet," _Harry heard Draco's voice in his head, _"You and Lucius must have lots of fun,_" Ron nearly cried with disgust.

_Really love it_

Voldemort picked up the drill again.

_I thrill when I drill a bicuspid_

The girls crooned out the next word.

_Bicuspid_

Voldemort grew more animated as the song progressed, making Ron glad that this was only a dream. This was too revolting to see in real life. Though it would definitely have made it easier for Harry to kill Voldemort as he would have been quite distracted.

_It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted_

_And though it may cause my patients distress,_

_Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me_

_I know, I know, that my mama's proud of me_

_Oh, mama_

_'Cause I'm a dentist and a success_

"_Say ah!"_

Ron opened his mouth to scream.

"_Ah!"_

Which soon turned into a laugh.

"_Say ah!"_

He wasn't sure if his mouth _could _open any wider.

"_Ah!"_

Ron was now somewhere between laughing, gagging and coughing.

"_Say ah!"_

Merlin, this was uncomfortable.

"_Ah!"_

He was tempted to stick out his tongue.

"_Now spit!"_

Ron dutifully obeyed, covering Voldemort's face with spit. The entire Pack dissolved into laughter amid Voldemort's howls of indignation.

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